Finding the Perfect Puppy: A Hilariously Inappropriate Guide for the Perplexed

Dr. Jessica Sims, Owner / Veterinarian at Oakwell Animal Hospital


Hey there, folks! Are you ready to tackle the age-old question: Which puppy breed is right for your lifestyle? Now, choosing a puppy is like trying to pick a new best friend, only this friend will eventually chew your shoes and poop on your carpet. So, buckle up and get ready for a laugh-filled journey through the wonderfully wacky world of puppy breeds!

Outdoorsy Type

Let’s start with the basics, shall we? If you’re the outdoorsy type, constantly seeking adventure and excitement, you might want to consider a breed like the Labrador Retriever. These four-legged furballs are like Energizer Bunnies on steroids. They’ll hike with you, swim with you, and still have enough energy to chase their own tail for hours on end. Just make sure you have a good supply of tennis balls, because these dogs will retrieve anything, even your car keys if you’re not careful.

Laid Back Type

On the other hand, if your idea of a good time is curling up on the couch with a good book and a pint of ice cream, you might want to consider a more laid-back breed, like the Basset Hound. These low-riding dogs are the epitome of relaxation. They’ll gladly join you for a Netflix binge-watch marathon, snoring away peacefully by your side. And don’t worry about missing a crumb – with those droopy ears, they can vacuum the floor like nobody’s business.

Trendy Type

Now, if you’re a fashion-forward individual who’s always on top of the latest trends, you might want to consider a breed that will turn heads wherever you go. Enter the French Bulldog. These little fashionistas are like walking pieces of art. With their adorable squished faces and bat-like ears, they’ll make even the most hardened fashion critics swoon. Just be prepared for the constant attention and paparazzi-like fanfare when you take them for a stroll in the park.


For those who are more inclined towards intellectual pursuits, a breed like the Border Collie might be right up your alley. These brilliant pups have brains bigger than a supercomputer. They’ll solve puzzles, outsmart you at every turn, and probably start their own book club. Just know that if you don’t keep them mentally stimulated, they might very well rearrange your furniture, alphabetize your DVD collection, and write a thesis on the meaning of life (or chew your favorite couch to shreds).


Now, let’s talk about family-friendly breeds. If you have young kids running around, you’ll want a breed that’s patient, gentle, and can handle a bit of roughhousing. The crown in this category goes to… (drum roll, please)… the Golden Retriever! These dogs are like the Mary Poppins of the canine world – practically perfect in every way. They’ll play fetch with the kids, babysit their teddy bears, and probably even help with homework. Just be prepared for the never-ending shower of dog hair on your couch, your carpet, and even in your morning cereal. We like to call it golden glitter and it’s the price you pay for having a golden ball of love in your life.

Independent & Low Maintenance

On the other hand, if you’re looking for a breed that’s more independent and low-maintenance, maybe one that would do well in an apartment, a cat might be a better choice. No, wait! Scratch that. We’re talking about dogs here. Let’s see… Ah! I’ve got it! The dachshund! These little hot dogs are like tiny comedians with a Napoleon complex and they are happy no matter what’s going on around them. They love naps or a walk or some cuddles or snack time! They’re also some of the cutest little pooches on the planet.

Mixed Breeds

Last but definitely not least, the mixed breed dog! Mutt might be a bad word in some people’s vocabulary, but not to the well-informed! Mixed breed dogs often have the best traits of whatever breeds they’re hailing from and they tend to avoid some of the health issues that plague some pure-bred dogs. Check out the local animal shelters and rescues to find your new best friend!


So there you have it – a light-hearted (not-to-be-taken-too-seriously) guide to choosing the right puppy breed for your lifestyle. Just remember, no matter which breed you choose, a puppy is a lifelong commitment filled with love, laughter, and the occasional accident on your favorite rug. But hey, that’s what cleaning supplies and a sense of humor are for, right?

Until next time, my friends, may your days be filled with wagging tails, wet nose kisses, and enough puppy cuddles to warm your heart. And remember, when in doubt, just get a dog. It’ll make everything better. Trust me on this one.

For all your new furry friend’s care, visit us at Oakwell Animal Hospital now!

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